Steroids, to do or not.

Well I am now on the downside of a week of high-side of steroids and gosh while it helps me they sure as heck make me crazier than ever. One minute I am freezing to death and the next I am burning up and my face is starting to swell. Fingers and legs already have. Now, I truly look like the Pillsbury Dough Boys Wife.  Disgusting as heck!  do not like to get sick but it is the deck of cards that I have so got to play them out. The roids in the form of prednisone and the inhaled ones all make me feel so darned stupid. Albuterol must have been designed by Frankenstein! I inhale it and it clears up my lungs and I shake and quake for an hour after it. At first I thought oh heck I was imagining it but my husband could actually see me shaking after I used it. I thought well at lest I am not imagining it! At my age, Ancient, well anything is possible. There is a drug called Zoponex which does the same thing by clearing out your lungs but it does not cause the shakes and my insurance doe snto want to pay for it so I am doomed to albuterol. I pray for a miracle and I will not have anymore bad breathing attacks but with asthma and mild COPD well it inevitable.
I do not want to go with my husband to his Diabetic doc appt. as that guy will have some remark to make again about me loosing weight. Well I said I hear you have an excellent program going here but you do not accept medicare and he said very sweetly on we do accept most insurances now.  Ha ha on him. I checked with the lady who runs the program and they do not except insurance as most insurance won't pay for it. Now, if it is doctor recommended and needed to keep your prescription bills less then why won't the insurance companies pay for it??? Hmmm, another conumdrum of sorts for my old brain to wrap around.
I am definitely overweight and have tried over the counter stuff, hypnosis and also paid weight loss programs and some worked for awhile but the minute my stress level rose so did the weight. I realized tonight jsut how bad it was and am so ashamed at my failure to control my hand to mouth motion. Well, at least I do not smoke as I would definitely be dead or dying.
I think this all began way back when I was only 16 and got something that they were calling the Asiatic flu and our doctor even came to the house, yep, in the big city of Memphis, they did that back in the 50's. I was so sick and had such a high fever and all my Mom's efforts to get it down just didn't work and believe me, she tired the vinegar baths and the babking soda and vinegar baths and the alcohol baths and nothing and I mean nothing worked. I have a picture taken with my high school sweetheart shortly afterwards and I really looked washed out and so unhappy. Nothing he did wrong I was still to sick to be out but I needed to go to that dance with him and loved every minute but felt so awfull too. Thru the years I have had several bouts of similar problems and of course Pneumonia that put me in the hospital which I really hated. 6 days of R and R. That is Room and Ready and they were definitely ready to give me a room and keep me awake 24/7.  I never heard such a noisy place and I rmember the days when they literally creeped around in hospitals and quite was the protocol. what happened to those days of respect for the patients??
I have been told I have some weird eye condition suffered by people who were exposed to the air pollution of the Midwest. Now, I did live in Memphis, south Memphis to be exact and real near Delta Refinery. we suffered from black soot on the window sills and if you opened your windows and in Memphis without AC and no only the rich had Ac back in the 50's and you opened your windows and prayed for a breeze which was pretty much non-existant and you turned on the attic fan which simply drew in more black soot.
I had a doctor several years ago in Ohio who used to give us this shot when we got this stuff and I think it was called Gominal and I am not sure of the spelling and it worked, sometimes you would need to have a couple of them a few days apart but you got well and while they hurt like heck, you prayed he would always have it on hand and the day he said it was nto being made anymore you thought life was over. Sort of wondered why and if it was so bad, then why on Earth had it been allowed in the first place!!
Just like Darvocet! What a wonderful pain killer and I took it sparingly for over 35 years and my Mom for over 50 and it helped with our arthritic pains and my fibromyalgia pain. some person had a reaction to it and they started to really investigate it and found it caused heart problems. Tell that to my 97 year old Mom who could not get them to give her anything strong enough for her pain until the  night before she died. Her hear thad been great up until that point and her pain had been managed but they were not allowed to give her the one medication that she had relied on as the federal government had removed it form the shelves forever.
I need something stronger to take too and may have to start going to one of thos epain mangement places as my Fibro pain is simply out of this world and I knwo I am not alone as there are millions of us suffering as because we still have 2 legsor 2 arms and a body that looks like it is either over-fed or under-fed, then we look like everyone else and I have my own son tell me that I am not really in need of that handicapped tag. I think young man I would nto wish this off on anyone so I do not with that you would ever know my pain and walk in my shoes. That old adage about not critizing your neighbor until you have walked in their mocassins is really true when it comes to arthritis and Fibro. One simply can never expect to wake up feeling super. Those days are gone forever!! I do wake up and before I get out of my bed I Thank God for allowing me to just breathe and to have all the comforts He Has provided.
As I travel around I see folks pushing shopping carts with their possessions in them and drunks fighting at corners over whatever. I see them standing with a sign that says Viet Nam Vet and hungry and so on and on and I wonder if they ever saw the real end of a rifle!! I have given them moeny when they said money for beer. That was more the truth and it was hot and summer and I though hell if that poor person can find some relief from the life they have let themselves live then who am I to judge!!

When I get under the influence of the Prednisone pills I often think so here it comes again the license to be crazy. I can not take a couple of drugs because I am allergic to them so I have to remember that the Prednisone while it does it's wonders on me is actually really doing a wonder on me and I shoudl Thank God for it. When the doctor mentions the word I want to go running out of her office going no way, surely there is a better way. But not so much that I have found for me. I have tried other doctors too and it always winds up the same way. This time I am on my second antibiotic and that alone has me with an upset tummy. Why does the cure come at such a price. It isn't like I was an ax murderer or anything, so why on earth and how on earth did I get this junk. Well, there was this thing around Florida called Red Tide.
Red Tide kills Fish, and it is air borne and it even kills giant Manatees. Now, if they are drifitng into channels dead and the necropsies all say caused by red tide then who am I a simply human being to quibble with what caused so many in our county and the surrounding areas to be ill!!
It is also Oak pollen seaon and everthing turns yellow as the trees start to bud and we call it yellow pollen seaon and it depends on the winds and lack of rain how bad it will get. usually we have lot and if you go otu and look in the pool the water will get yellow and NO it is not a bad algae but yellow pollen. it gets in your clothes and your hair and the dogs go outside and bring it back in. Never ending and then that cycle ends and another begins. I actually have been so sick that I forgot that is was nealry the time for it until a young friend reminded me to be extra careful as it was getting to be that season. Usually, I wear a mask and get along ok but I am already under the weather so guess I will suffer a lot longer.
I was exposed to second-hand smoke from both my parents and all their friends and most of my Aunts and Uncles. Most were 3 pack a day folks. I did try cigarettes cause everybody else did but I never got over the coughing with them. Needless to say when others told me about that whacky backy that made them high I thought they were crazy so in my early 30's I tried in for about 3 times and only twice did I feel sort of high and that was because I was also drinking booze with it. I never got addicted to any of that stuff. I was always afraid of being caught and going to jail and getting a bad reputation. I needed to have some control and did. why can't I find it now with this food cravings?Will self-control ever come back. I have read that I have tried to always take care of others and have done the absolute best that I could and now, I have to find ME>
Goodness, 70 years old and searching for myself!! Anybody out there know where I am and who I am. Moved to Fl and thought we would see more of our friends than we have cause many of them promised ot visit but as the years grew longer so did the promises of visits fissal. I really wanted to see more of them so we made the drive back and forth to Ohio to see everyone. I want ot move back before we all die but my hubby will never do that. It is just a waste of dreamtime.
Sort of like waiting for the lottery numbers to be posted in the Heavens and I am the only one to see them. You would think I could catch a break now at the end of my life wouldn't you? But I am not different than anyone else and only a mere human being and why I would think or even remotely dream of God Giving me those numbers. What is the world is wrong with me? why nothing at all, I am just a person with needs like eeveryone else and wants and still a few day dreams to imagine them into reality. Dreaming is free and pretty easy to do. I can imagine myself skinny and who knows if I conjure up that dream enough well it could just happen too. At least it could happen a lot easier if I practice self-control over my eating habits and force myself away from this computer chair as quickl as I can to start a real exercise program. So tomorrow is the beginning of a new day and a new improved me. Shake, rattle, and rolling with prednisone and I will get the stuff out of me with loads of water.  But like everything else it takes time to get well and time to lose this weight. It was not put on overnight so it will not come off that way either.
Have to walk in the Mall to get in AC walking and that is free to do and monitored by good mal security and the Sheriff's department also has an office there and the mall is heavily protolled.